From free Coffee Clutches to expensive Chat Rooms

I had thought that the generation gap between me and my parents' generation would disappear after my teen years, when I got out of the house and was more their equal as an adult myself. Then something happened. I became a parent myself. Now the struggle we women have with our mothers or other women of their generation understanding us can reemerge as we try to explain just why it is our job of raising children today is so much more difficult than their's was all those years ago. And there it goes again, the generation gap re-emerges with our mothers not understanding or convinced of our point of view.



The first thing we try to explain as proof of our lives being tougher is that life today is MUCH MORE STRESSFUL. This is not a cop-out, this is a fact and while some of it is controllable much of it isn't.



Let's retrace the timeline of what led to this being the case.



While I was growing up in the 70's, most middle-class moms were called "Housewives"--that's "Stay-at-home-moms" to translate into present-day english. Being that there were less working outside of the home-type moms back then, there were more around to have the advantage of what was called "Coffee Clutches", where moms got together for conversation and company and brought along any children not yet in school to play with each other. It was a network of support from fellow moms for babysitting, car pooling, or just enjoying adult conversation while the little ones played...nobody had to be isolated.



Interestingly, an opposite of stress is simplicity. Remember how it was? We grew up with only ONE of most every major appliance and luxury item:



*ONE car, which meant ONE auto insurance policy and ONE consumer of gasoline.



*ONE Color TV set and maybe a back and white one upstairs.



*ONE refrigerator.



*ONE stereo.



*There was ZERO Cable TV. There was ZERO Satellite TV or Satellite Radio.



*ZERO VCRs or DVD players.



*ZERO pc's.



*ZERO playstations.



*ZERO cell phones.



Obviously, families in the 70's had much lower utility bills and think of all the other money they saved by not having these products or less of them!



Life was simpler; families had less with usually just one of everything that had been invented at that point in time. As such, less need for a second income. Family entertainment was usually free because usually it came from other families, not electronic feeds.



Now, let's fast-forward to present day--



Many of us moms work to afford to give our families more and in most cases our little ones go to daycare. Most of our households contain:



*TWO cars (thus two car insurance policies and two consumers of the ever-rising price of gas).



*There are usually TWO if not three TV sets, all color with cable if not satellite of course.



*Most everyone has either TWO refrigerators or one frig and an additional freezer in their basement or garage.



*There are TWO stereos in many instances



*TWO of the not-so-new invention called computers--after all, the kids need their own.



*Most everyone has one VCR and/or DVD player.



*Most everyone has one or two (or more) cell phones



*Most households have a playstation or nintendo.



*Oh, let's not forget the game boys and how nearly every toy today needs batteries (more "power" to those in the 70's who saw it coming and invested in Duracell).



What in fact have we mothers of today done to ourselves? Aside from becoming more financially challenged, did you ever wonder why all of us are so exhausted? Let's go down the list of today's additional jobs for today's responsible mothers, starting with our "gotta have one" (if not TWO) electronic gadgets:



1) With the addition of Cable/Satellite TV, VCR and DVD players, we now need to "police" our TV sets and even our radios ALMOST CONSTANTLY. Forget about relying on responsible programmers like our mothers could. Rated "G" seems almost obsolete and rude humor, or worse, is "in".



2) With the addition of computers and the internet, even our evening news reminds us of how we definitely need to "police" that CONSTANTLY. Chat Rooms are nothing like those Coffee Clutches.



(Cell phones now send pictures and even video---will this mean a new market for pornography? Only tomorrow's news can say. Oh goody, another possible item we get to "police".)



Okay we've gone over what is fair to say is controllable. We really could get rid of all those extra gizmos so in fact we do bring some of it on ourselves.



But fact is, not all of it. Now, with all due respect, our mothers do need to realize what we don't have control over:



1) Our schools have a much more aggressive curriculum and aggressive pursuing of parental involvement. Us moms today are involved in our kids' daily homework, studying, purchasing more supplies than ever before, being contacted all the time for various "volunteer" duties, charity needs (back in the 70's I remember that moms usually went through their places of worship for that or dads gave at the office), and selling our kids' candy bars, popcorn, gift wrap, books, etc., etc., etc. Phew! Yes, we could say no to all of this, but the pressure equates to an emotional blackmail, who wants their kid to be the only one whose parent isn't doing all of the above (although after having been hit recently with three school fundraisers all at the same time, I'm actually starting to find it easier).



2) So many of us sign our kids up for year-round sports at a much younger age. This begs the questions "What are they learning in Gym class?" (Although our mothers are right when they point out that while many of us hold to that image of Paradise, raising that next great pro-quarterback, Pro-ball does in reality have one thing in common with Heaven..."Many are called but few are chosen").



3) Most of us moms of today have had our children later in life due to our years of college then careers (at some point of which our moms reminded us of our biological time clocks ticking away). Although we have to admit, there is something to be said for that. Ever notice that the energy you had at 20 just isn't the same as the energy you had/have at 30? It gets worse. Some of us are now 40 or beyond (no denying now that our bodies are most certainly different than at 20!) and still have a pre-schooler at home...making that group of us almost 20 YEARS OLDER than many of our moms were when they chased after their last toddler!



4) With our being older, our parents are also older. Some of us have become the "Sandwich Generation", an expression which means we're raising children at the same time we're taking care of or are involved in helping aging parents.



5) We do not have the network of support our moms had...with it goes a lot of free babysitting, car pooling, etc. This is also partly due to being the generation that has moved, relocated, moved again. Where have our siblings, high school or college friends, even cousins our own age gone? Many times clear across the country! Result today: Many families have changed. They are not close anymore because they're not close by. What our moms could count on from other mothers or relatives we are now doing all ourselves or paying for.



After being so drained from all of the above plus the things that haven't changed like housecleaning, kitchen work and laundry, we have found that saying "no" to our kids apparently does not count as an answer and leads to the same request being made again and again. This chips away at our resistance and many times results in caving in--translation: as a generation we are definitely not as strict as our parents were. It's OK for us to believe that an old-fashioned spanking is not the answer to everything, although that stated a whack on the fanny is not to be confused with child abuse and in fact dangerously waters down the true definition to the crime. It's just that most of us who are trying hard to be responsible mothers of today fancy ourselves to be a bit more creative about the punishment fitting the crime...that is when we're not too runned down to get those creative juices flowing!



I predict our daughters and sons will not be raising children like us. Not only will they take into consideration the flaws, but life will just change as it always does and they will be dealing with different challenges