I am a stay-at-home mom who started blogging so as to quench my thirst for getting back into journalism. I had hoped to be a daily blogger, but last week reminded me of not only why I don't go back to work but why any daily commitment can be impossible--thanks to a very aggressive stomach virus in my youngest child who was home sick all last week.
There are priorities in life. I have heard my generation be called a "narcissistic" generation, where we put our own wishes before that of our children's or aging parents'. If, however, you are like me and you are the "sandwich generation", caught in between those two generations who need you and you are trying to be there for everyone, then like me you laugh off that description. But it can still be tough to laugh when you have a difficult time finding just a couple of minutes to yourself.
And for us sandwichers, we tend to have a lack of a support system making a mockery of "it takes a village to raise a child"--half the village is under-aged and the other half is getting too old. We are the exhausted left-over segment of the population. Not only are many of us mentally overextended (we try to be at our kid's game at the same time we try to help the other kid do a difficult school project at the same time we are trying to teach the youngest one how to color inside the lines all the while trying to fix a half-way nutritious supper for all of them and in between stirs of the pot we study the calendar in defeat as we try to figure out when to have an aging relative over), but we are also older in having waited longer to have had our children. Let's face it, a forty-year-old usually does not have the same amount of energy as a twenty-year-old.
But using the bible as an empowering tool for one's approach to the hectic life of today, one of my most favorite verses is Matthew 6:34 "Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." Anotherwords, take it one day at a time and don't worry about tomorrow. So relax and realize one-on-one isn't always possible so just take that aging relative to the kid's game.
Another easy way to create more time for yourself...
I did something as simple as cutting out TV viewing and discovered that this allowed me more time than I thought I had. Now I admit to being a news-a-holic, glued to "this just in" or "breaking headlines", and studying all the round-table discussions to see whose argument is the strongest (not necessarily the most honorable one). But even someone like me has realized lately that TV is on absolute overkill with the presidential campaigns. Usually, there are no new developments to report on, there is only one blasted analysis after another and too many predictions that the state of New Hampshire has already proven to be rather worthless.
A couple of nights ago, I asked my children to raise their hands on who they see more of. Is it Daddy or Barak Obama? When the unanimous vote was for Barak Obama, I hit the power off button on my remote.
So I have done what I consider to be the smartest thing in a long time, I have turned off the TV set! Not only have I found more time, my brain has been able to unclog itself and concentrate better. And, oh yeah, my kids are starting to notice and recognize Daddy coming through the door at the end of the day.
Monday, March 3, 2008
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2 comments:
Thank you for sharing a much needed prespective. I too struggle with some of things that you have mentioned. The daily routine with children can be very overwhelming and not leave much time or energy for anything else. Sometimes, I get down on myself because I don't seem to be able to accomplish any of my personal career goals. Days slip into weeks and months and I still haven't scratched one thing off the list. Being a mom is crazy and nutty and tiring and frustrating and exhilirating... but truly the most fulfilling( and exhausting) thing in my life. I remind myself that this time will not last forever. It is a blink in time. A few weeks ago, I was really overwhelmed with the routine and feeling like I was not connecting with my kids as much as I wanted too. I made a couple simple changes. I decided that I was going to be a more active listener. When listening to my kids whether it is about pokemon, polly pockets or High School Musical, I have been getting down on one knee and looking them in the eyes. What a difference. I am no longer listening while putting away dishes, typing, wiping down the counter etc. They feel that I am theirs even for this little mini moment. They feel validated and important to me. I also decided to stop cleaning the whole kitchen after dinner ( I do 75%) then I get doen on my belly with them and do whatever just be together and talk, read or play a game. These two small changes have made a big difference. As far as the tv, I also agree. When school started this fall we set a rule- no tv or computer on school nights. I expected big fight. It is an absolute non issue. It also gets the kids playing together and being more creative. We put alot of expectations on ourselves as mothers. I want to live in the moment and learn to embrace each day.
Great idea with eye contact! I do this habitually with the more serious moments such as teaching a life lesson, behavior correction, or discussing a serious subject. I do not do this enough with the more light-hearted moments. I also like your rule with no TV/computer during school week. This would give my kids two less things to fight over! Presently, we have the rule "no electronics on Sundays" because I literally battle to keep this day about church and family, and with my children I have found that electronics (video games, computer, hand-held electronic games) are too distracting and isolates them away from thinking about God and spending time with family.
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